A pet owner and his money will be soon parted

AZCentral.com => Pet psychic will give free readings at Petco opening

Today at the grand opening of Petco in Chandler, Joseph Bortniak will look deep inside the minds of pets and attempt to decipher their feelings.

Bortniak is a self-described “psychic enlightenment consultant.” He has practiced this brand of holistic treatment for a decade on both people and pets.

“I want to make sure people have great relationships with their animals,” Bortniak said. “I hope to enrich their lives through my service.”

He’s a regular at Petco grand openings and other store promotions in the Valley, offering his services for free. He’ll be at the Chandler opening from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. both Saturday and Sunday.

A notable episode Bortniak remembers is the time he says he strengthened the relationship between a pet owner and her dog. In that instance, the dog hated its name, and Bortniak shared that with the owner. A few weeks later, Bortniak said, the woman called, saying she had changed the name and the dog was much happier.

“Hold, on, hold on… I’m getting something. I’m seeing… yes, I’m seeing a dog turd. It’s in a house. It’s on a carpet… or it might be a wood floor, or perhaps tile of some kind. I’m seeing you being upset.”

“Yes, That’s it! Has there been a time when your companion, Rover accidentally may have messed on the floor of your home? I can see by the look on your face that you have. Well your companion animal here is feeling a lot of guilt about that. He feels like a second class citizen. It’s up to you to bring the ying and yang bank into balance. What you need to do, in front of Rover here, is crap on your carpet. That way he’ll see that it could happen to anyone, and it will help wash away his feelings of inferiority.”

“Go home and give that a try tonight. This is a completely free service which I do entirely to help humans and their companions understand each other better. Donations are greatly accepted, though.”