Torchwood
Countrycide by Chris Chibnall
I must admit that as each episode of Torchwood opens, a sense of dread overcomes me every time I see Chris Chibnall’s name as the writer.
It’s not so much that he’s a bad writer, because he isn’t. The sense of dread comes because he is the writer who has apparently been “tasked†with forcing gratuitous sex into the program, whether it is important to the plot nor not. He is the chief hand crafting the episodes to fit what I can only call a juvenile’s idea of “adult†television. I can actually picture Beavis and Butthead at a Torchwood writer’s meeting giving advice on how to make the show adult.
Beavis: Then the scientist fondles the cyberchick’s tit.
Butthead: heh heh heh heh heh He said “tit†heh heh heh heh heh heh
And on that note, Countrycide opens…
Synopsis
Somewhere in the Welsh countryside, people are disappearing without a trace and Capt. Jack brings the Torchwood team to investigate.
They setup camp (yes, camp) in the area and rather than investigate, they play a round of who’d you snog last. Luckily for Ianto, Capt. Jack wiggles out of answering the question, but it turns out all the ladies snogged Owen last, and that doesn’t sit well with Toshi.
They’re drawn out into the woods where Owen aggressively attempts to sex up Gwen, who doesn’t resist much. Before it goes too far, they discover a badly mutilated body, which turns out to be a diversionary tactic to steal their Torchwood-mobile. The entire team follow the vehicle’s tracker signal, on foot, to a deserted inn in a tiny community.
Inside the inn, the mutilated bodies are practically falling from the cupboards. Toshi and Ianto are captured and placed in a larder of human parts. Whatever has captured them has a taste for human flesh.
Gwen is shot by a survivor who has been holding off the human eaters and Owen (a doctor, by the way) saves her life. Pumped full of pain killers and buckshot, she still manages a bit of hair caressing on Owen. Where could this be going?
One by one, the team are captured and the villains are revealed to be… wait for it… deranged country folk who just like to eat people every ten years.
Everyone is on the menu except for Jack, who bursts in with a hail of bullets and shoots everybody. The police come to haul everybody off.
Gwen is distraught that she can’t talk about this with her boyfriend, so she goes and screws Owen.
Analysis
As a horror episode, this episode generally delivers well. It’s creepy, frightening and atmospheric. It’s also a moment when you can cheer as Capt. Jack comes in, kicks butt and takes names.
On the other hand, unless this episode is meant as a prelude to a future episode, the basic premise doesn’t hold up well. So, there have been several mysterious disappearances in the area. So what? Why is this a job for Torchwood and not the police? Admittedly, the local cop is one of the cannibals, but with so many people missing, surely a team of cops would have been working on the case – perhaps even cops trained in missing person investigations.
The cannibals appeared to be none-too-bright, so why weren’t they found out already? They’re leaving bodies and witnesses lying around all over their homes, for crying out loud! For that matter, why were they not discovered 10 years ago, or 20, since this has apparently been going on for some time – “harvesting people every 10 yearsâ€, they said.
“Harvesting†is an odd word, too. Harvest implies reaping what you sow. The word was either misused, or there’s more to this story. (Yes, I’m basing my theory that this episode might be a precursor for something else on exactly one word.)
For the first time, we get to see a bit of personality for Toshi – that’s bad. Like Ianto, when he finally exhibited personality he screwed up big time. Looks like Toshi is next. Keeping characters without personality until you need them is a rather ham-fisted writing technique. In this case, Toshi’s “personality†is jealousy and a sense of not being appreciated. If that isn’t a recipe for disaster, I don’t know what is.
Meanwhile they’ve been setting up Gwen and Owen’s sexual attraction for one another, and placing Gwen in the vulnerable position of not being able to “open up†and share with her boyfriend. Fair enough, there’s no doubt that keeping secrets like that is a stress on a relationship, but… why couldn’t she talk about this case with her boyfriend? It didn’t involve aliens. Everyone on the planet seems to have heard of Torchwood. The cops came and cleaned up a whole village of cannibals – like that won’t be on the evening news? There’s nothing for her to hide. For once she actually could have thrown him a bone and talked to him about her work. Perhaps he wouldn’t like it, but after their place was ransacked last week, he should have figured out her work might be dangerous.
Capt. Jack mystery puzzle piece of the week: Once he was a torturer.