I Had a Dream…

I don’t dream much.

More specifically, I just don’t normally remember dreaming when I wake up, which might be a good thing because, when I was a kid, I used to have horrible nightmares – the kind that would make you try to stay awake rather than risk dreaming.

Now; however, when I do have/recall dreams, they’re just weird!

Of course, they mean nothing. Dream analysis has long ago been debunked, but it’s hard not to try to ascribe meaning to them – they seem so….intentional. Perhaps that’s why drug users often think their thoughts are profound rather than just insane or insipid? I don’t know.

Nonetheless, I had a humdinger last night, and more importantly, I remember it. Since I haven’t had much to write about lately, I thought I’d share it with you and you can try to work out some insight into my inner mind.

Cue soft focus and dream sequence music

Several friends and I were touring England. The group of friends appeared to shift from time to time, but I identified David, Jeff, Ben and Morgan. (That’s in addition to the point where we were temporarily joined by Thomas Magnum from the TV Series, Magnum P.I.)

At one point we came across an industrial warehouse, very much like the one that James Bond flew a helicopter through in the pre-credit sequence of For Your Eyes Only. That particular warehouse was part of the old Thames gasworks, which is now the site of the Millennium Dome. In my dream, the warehouse-like building had also been renovated, as the sides had been removed and a lovely park had been installed inside of it. It had a pleasant stream running through the middle, although it ran through side to side rather than front to back. The M42 Motorway (Is that a real motorway in the UK?) would have run front to back, but the bridge spanning the stream had never been built, causing all the cars to drive up to the edge and then have to back up and out and try a different route.

I remember remarking to David Mitchell (who was, for some reason there with his pal, Robert Webb) that the lower gravity in the UK made it much easier to do chin ups on the unfinished edge of the M42. I recall they were quite impressed and set off to write a sketch about it.

At one corner of the park, there was a sort of open-air cafeteria, where a hundred or so people, with their dogs on leashes, were eating at long tables. It wasn’t a picnic, it was actually a BBC game show, hosted by Vic Reeves and Jamie Oliver.

I somehow got drafted to play the game, which was played like this: Eight people, including myself, we selected from the people at the table. We were put in a queue at the serving counter. As I was chosen second, I was the contestant and had to stand last in the line.

Each of the seven people in front of me were given a plate of exotic foreign food. Each dish was the same food, but each person got a different variation of the dish. I, as the contestant, was given a plate with all seven variations. We went back to the tables and ate our food. My job, after we’d all eaten our food, was for to determine which contestant was given which variation. I did pretty well considering I was standing in line behind them and watched them get served their food. 7 out of 7 for me, but for some unknown reason, I only scored 3 points, which was enough to win – especially since the other participants had no way to score points at all.

The prize was the “exotic foreign food” I already ate, which, incidentally, was corn chips and salsa.

About this time it was necessary that I go to the restroom, which, fortunately, there was a free-standing public restroom just next to the unfinished M42 bridge. The restroom was of an unusual configuration. Rather than the typical row of open urinals and stalls, this bathroom was entirely stalls. Each stall was roughly the shape of a portable toilet, reduced in size exactly in half front and sides. (It was, fortunately, normal height). It was very restrictive in size and, for some unknown reason, you were required to remove your shoes before entering.

Upon exiting, I couldn’t find my shoes, which I went looking for. There was a shoe closet at one end, which I thought someone might have put my shoes in. The door was busted and off its hinges and when I tried to open it the door fell on the floor, triggering an alarm. The shoe closet was filled with cleaning supplies, not shoes and, frantic because of the alarm, I started searching for my shoes. I then realized we’d made a ghastly mistake. It wasn’t a public restroom at all, it was a luxury hotel suite, and it was obviously someone else’s room.

While searching for my shoes, the hotel staff came into the room in response to the alarm. I hid behind the furniture while avoiding the bellhop. About this time is when Thomas Magnum showed up and, seeing my plight, distracted the bellhop, allowing me to escape the room.

I didn’t get my shoes back, and the whole plot seemed to hinge upon them, but at this point my wife woke me up.