“Rant” may be a bit strong…. We’ll see.
I have the good fortune (some would say) of living within 300 meters of both a Domino’s and a Pizza Hut. Say what you will about the relative merits of those chains, it’s very nice having hot pizza choices just around the corner from me whenever the mood takes me.
This has two-fold advantages. Because of their proximity, I can order pizzas and pick them up in about 10 minutes with less than a minute travel time either way. Hot, fresh, fast. Perfect.
It also means that, should delivery be required, we still get the pizzas much quicker than standard delivery times for most people. They always seem to come here first if they’re delivering to multiple customers and it takes them just under 5 minutes to get here. That takes them longer than it does for me, but they have to navigate to an unfamiliar home and I don’t. Again, hot, fresh, fast. Almost perfect – but too expensive. It’s a bit crazy to pay the delivery fees and tips when its an almost effortless pickup. Or so I thought…
Today is my son’s first day physically back to school since early 2020. Last night, he wanted Pizza Hut for dinner and, given the circumstances, I was inclined to humor him.
During the pandemic, we have been staying home and scrupulously avoiding entering businesses. Contactless pizza delivery – where I order online, then they pull up, leave the pizza on my front porch and bugger off without me having to deal with a human has been fantastic!
In that scenario, the extra cost is worth it, and we have done this multiple times over the last 16 months, and it has worked well.
Until last night.
After carefully crafting our family delivery order in the Pizza Hut app, I attempted to submit the order and pay. This was met with a succinct, yet unhelpful, “This location is temporarily not accepting internet orders.”
The app suggested that I call them on the phone like a caveman. That is a non-starter to me. I needed an alternative. Domino’s wasn’t it because James’ little heart was set on Pizza Hut.
There is another Pizza Hut just 3.25 km from my house. I checked to see if I could order from them, but, Pizza Hut has apparently divvied up their delivery areas with precision, and they would not deliver to my house.
My options were reduced to ordering the pizza for pickup at the farther Pizza Hut or ordering pizza from the nearby Pizza Hut on the phone like a caveman.
I broke down and called the nearby Pizza Hut. (Need I emphasize like a caveman?)
Their damned phone wasn’t working, either!
Resolved as I was to honor my son’s last meal of freedom request, I used the Pizza Hut app to order the pizzas, for pickup, from the farther store. I have never used the Pizza Hut app to order pickup – that’s a tale for another day that involves inconvenient left turns on high traffic streets – so this was my first experience with this facet of the app.
The ordering experience is identical and only deviates at the checkout process. Checkout starts by presenting you with a rather leading dialog box which says something like, “We’ll be doing contactless curbside pickup.” Followed with the choices “OK” or “No.”
It then asked what type of car I would be driving and where I wanted the pizza placed (trunk, backseat, passenger side window, etc.) and I dutifully filled that out.
Finally, it presented me with a screen saying “Your order will be ready in 14 minutes, please head to the store and let us know when you’re here. There was then a button saying, “I’m already here.” I left that on the screen and headed to the Pizza Hut.
None of this is unusual. It’s very similar to how the McDonald’s and other apps work.
Upon arrival, the screen now read the same, except that the time had updated to 2 minutes until the order was ready. I pulled in and hit the “I’m already here” button.
A screen popped up saying my pizza would be ready in 2 minutes, and returned to the exact same screen as before. I waited. Eventually 2 minutes became none and the pizza was ready. I believe the button changed to something like “I’m here” or “Tell us you’re here.”
I clicked it and…
…it said, “call us on the phone (like a fucking caveman) and tell us you’re here.”
!!!!!
They even provided a button to click to call them.
I called them and I get, “Hello, thank you for calling Pizza Hut will this order be for pickup or delivery?”
I said, “It’s for pickup. I’ve got an order in the system. Your app made me call you (like a caveman) to tell you I was here.”
Confusion reigns at the other end of the phone. I’ve thrown him off his script in a surprisingly unsuspected way. “Oh, um… OK, I’ll tell them that you’re here, and they’ll bring it out.”
“Great, thank you. Would you like to know the name on the order?”
“Oh, sure, thanks.”
Being completely fair to them, in less than a minute someone came right out, walked straight to my car, brought the pizza to the correct “delivery location” and I was off; however, the whole thing really made me feel like they hadn’t quite got this whole process worked out yet. That seems very surprising to me this far into the pandemic with a massive company like Pizza Hut.
P.S. I hate, hate, hate any system where I have to talk on the phone like a god-damned fucking caveman!