Category: Travel

Travel-related posts before they get moved to travel.lonelocust.com

  • Taiwan (2024) – Day Four – Around the Lake

    Tuesday, October 8, 2024

    Up at 2:30 AM again and starving. The jet lag is not “sliding” towards normality like it usually does. At this rate, I won’t get on a normal sleep cycle until we leave.

    I had the instant noodles I purchased at 7-Eleven. One thing I love about instant noodles in Taiwan is that some of them contain actual fresh meat. And by “fresh,” I mean basically canned, like those meat products from Brazil that come in pouches. You empty the meat pouch into the noodles when you add the boiling water and the other ingredients. It was a decent 2:30 AM snack.

    You can tell when something is popular in an area in Taiwan because it dominates the retail space. Restaurants are always ubiquitous, but in the village near our hotel, bike rental shops were everywhere, and they’re all hungry for that sweet, sweet tourist money.

    Cute dinosaur sign

    The question is, how do you pick which one? I suggested the one with the cute dinosaur.

    Last evening and again this morning, as we walked or rode along the bike path, we noticed that about 50% of the bikes were eBikes, but nobody was pedaling them. They were all running throttle only. This offended my eBiker sensibilities, but I thought, perhaps, because Taiwan is a scooter-dominated society, maybe they just think of eBikes as small scooters.

    At 190 cm, finding a bike that fits me can be a problem, and while not a perfect fit, they had a brand new eBike that we could make work. It looked more like a small motorcycle, but it was a bike. Chuwan was much easier to fit, and she got a bike that looked just like the dozens we’d seen on the trail. It wasn’t exactly a two-person bike, but I had a seat on the back, presumably for a child to ride along.

    The bike path around Sun Moon Lake is broken up into two sections. 12 km is a dedicated, free-standing path, and 17 km is mixed-use with automobile traffic. This makes a total of 29 km around the lake, and since its all relatively flat, it should make for an easy eBike ride.

    Then, the disappointments began. “Oh no, these eBikes can’t ride all the way around the lake. The batteries won’t last.”

    “Besides, you’re not supposed to take them on the 17 km part of the path.”

    I looked at the bikes, I looked at the size of the batteries, and I put 26 years of experience with Taiwan in full gear in my head, and I told Chuwan, “That’s fine.”

    Because (A) OF COURSE, these bikes can ride 29 km on a single charge, and (B) no one ever obeys rules in Taiwan. We were going around the lake, and we wouldn’t tell the guy. If we got “caught,” we’d just look mildly embarrassed, say we got lost, and apologize. One thing worried us, though: We didn’t have a phone that we could dial up for help, just in case something did go wrong.

    A bike path stretches out across the water of a lake.

    We set off anti-clockwise around the lake, back towards our hotel, and we soon learned why no one was pedaling their eBikes.

    My bike was fine. In fact, it had a helluva kick to it. On my Rad eBike back home, when I’m riding leisurely, I often drop into PAS 3. This bike’s PAS 1 felt like PAS 3 on mine. It had a kick, as did the throttle. How much kick? I don’t know because the speedometer and odometer didn’t work. Did the battery gauge work? How was I to know? It never went down a single segment. Sometimes, it was clear that the cadence sensor got stuck, either on or off. The only thing that would free it was to gun the throttle. I was beginning to worry that this bike couldn’t make it around the lake on a charge.

    Chuwan’s bike was a different story. Similar to most of the other bikes being rented, with its odd two-seat but only one set of pedals design, the reason no one was pedaling was that the pedals were set too far back from the front seat. It was simply difficult and uncomfortable to pedal, and if you tried sitting on the back seat, you couldn’t reach the handlebars. It was throttle all the way for Chuwan, and we knew the battery would never make it around the lake like that.

    Bike path through the forest

    When we hit the visitor center, the path continued. We suspected that this was the beginning of the 17 km “no go” zone, but it was well-delineated, and we continued on. In places, we returned to dedicated bike infrastructure that took us far away from the road, but finally, we came to the stairs.

    In Taiwan, in the mountains, there are always stairs. Lots of them. Steep ones.

    These cement, damp, and moss-covered stairs also had a ramp next to them. This kind of ramp is used for walking bikes upstairs; however, the sign said to carry your bike up the stairs. It also forbade eBikes from going up the stairs.

    My concern wasn’t going up but coming down. I was not convinced we could safely walk the heavy eBikes back down the ramp without losing control of them on the slippery cement. Nonetheless, I walked up the steps, which twisted out of sight, to see what I thought. At the landing, I saw that the steps continued up and up, and I knew we had reached the end of the ride out.

    We could still return to the village and head clockwise in the other direction. By doing that, we’d fully travel the 12 km stretch in both directions for a 24 km ride.

    Left rank arm of a bike and the bolt that supposed to be holding it in place.

    About 2-3 km before we reached the village, I felt strange as my left foot pedaled. It felt strangely elliptical, but before I could figure out what had happened, the left crank arm fell off the bike. I found all the parts, but with no tools, the best I could do was bang the crank arm back onto the shaft. The bolt that held it in place had stripped and couldn’t be hand-threaded back on. I ran the bike back to the shop on throttle only.

    We probably could have gotten a replacement bike or a partial refund, but we’d had fun and didn’t feel the need to push anymore, so we returned the bikes and headed out for lunch. Lunch, for me, was another 7-Eleven hot dog, and we parked ourselves at an outdoor table to eat.

    Giant Bike Center

    Where we chose to eat made us regret our bicycle rental choice. We sat right in front of a large Giant cycle center. Giant is the Taiwanese brand of bikes, and while their lower-end models are manufactured in China, their high-end bikes are still made in Taiwan. Not only was this a full bicycle service center but also a showroom of some of the most gorgeous bikes I’ve seen in years. They both sold and rented bikes and eBikes, and even the rentals looked like they gave each one a complete hand wash and tuneup after every ride. I wish we’d spotted them first, but their location was absolutely crap.

    If you’re ever in Sun Moon Lake looking for a bike rental, look underneath the 7-Eleven at the main bus terminal.

    We went back to the hotel, and not for the first time, we took a gloriously long soak in the tub. This time, it was daylight, and the view from the tub was magnificent.

    In the evening, we grabbed a couple of the hotel’s bikes, rode into town, and found a restaurant advertising Japanese-style pork cutlets (tonkatsu). We had dinner there. After

    After dinner, we rode back in the dark, without lights. That was a bit harrowing, but the path was reasonably well-lit in most places.

    Motorcycle-like eBike
  • Taiwan (2024) – Day Three – Heading South

    Monday, October 7, 2024

    Today’s update should be quick, and relatively painless.

    Woke up at 2:30 AM, starving. Had some chips and went back to bed.

    At 7:00 AM, I didn’t even make a show of going to the hotel lobby for breakfast. I let Chuwan get her “free” food while I waited in the room. Afterward, we went to Sukiya. Sukiya is more or less a clone of Yoshinoya. Both are gyudon restaurants and, in fact, Sukiya was founded by a former employee of Yoshinoya. Sukiya now claims to be the largest gyudon chain, surpassing Yoshinoya. I make no statements as to the accuracy of these claims, but I can say this is the first I’ve seen or heard of them before this trip. Their expansion to Taiwan may be relatively recent.

    Three-cheese gyudon bowl with a side of karaage chicken

    I chose to be a bit bold, and rather than just getting a gyudon bowl, I went with a three-cheese gyudon bowl. This was good, although if I were choosing the three cheeses, parmesan would not be one of them.

    My “combo” meal also came with some karaage chicken. All told, it was a good, hearty breakfast for the day’s adventures.

    Melz has school at NTNU five days a week, so they could not join us on our mini-vacation. Visiting family in Taipei is fine, but if you’re coming here, get the fuck out of Taipei and see the country.

    This time, we chose Sun Moon Lake. We’ve been there before. The first time was back in early 1999. This was just a few months before the 921 Earthquake (Sept 21, 1999) which basically levelled the area, killing 2,500 people and injuring over 11,000 people. The epicenter was very nearby.

    We saw the area again afterward, and it was devastated, with collapsed buildings all around the lake. I can report that they’ve rebuilt and improved the area considerably since then.

    Why did we choose Sun Moon Lake? We have, pretty much, been to every place in Taiwan over the years, so some recycling is inevitable. Sun Moon Lake was a simple, easy to obtain destination, and it has been many, many years since we were last there.

    There was another reason. In the years since I first started coming to Taiwan, bicycling has taken off immensely. From non-existent infrastructure to round-the-island bike routes, the transformation has been incredible. There is a YouTube channel called Taiwan Plus, and they’ve been producing a series about bike rides around Taiwan. I watched one about the round-the-lake ride around Sun Moon Lake, and at only 29 KM and flat, it was a simple enough ride that we could rent bikes (maybe even eBikes) and make the circuit (even if we just puttered along and took all day.)

    But we had to get there first. Like all things coming into this trip, Supertyphoon Krathon had originally looked like it was going to roll right over Sun Moon Lake which is in the central mountains. The mountains in Taiwan are steep. (Unimaginably steep and so densely vegetated that I have never been able to get a picture that adequately conveys how damned steep the mountains are. They’re largely impassable and often rise at angles of nearly 80-85º. Typhoons bring on major landslides and block roads and communities for days or weeks at a time. Luckily, Krathon missed Sun Moon Lake.

    Near our hotel was a sandwich shop claiming to be Taiwan’s No. 1 Sandwich. Called Hung Rui Chen, there are epic tales online of people buying these sandwiches to take home to Korea, Japan, and other countries. (There’s also a less-than-reassuring story about hundreds of people getting food poisoning from an outlet location in Hong Kong, but I’m just going to blame that on the Red Chinese’s lack of health and safety standards and try to ignore it.)

    A ham and cheese sandwich

    These sandwiches are not to be believed. They are ham and cheese on crustless white bread, I kid you not. In any case, I picked up two for the train ride to Taichung.

    Are they any good? Well, sure, it was fine. The bread was really light and fresh, but… it’s just a packaged ham and cheese sandwich. What was I supposed to expect? The weirdest things get “famous” in Taiwan.

    The train ride to Taichung was via the High Speed Rail (HSR). I cannot gush enough about the HSR. It’s fantastic, fast, comfortable, easy to navigate. It’s great.

    Why do people always resist them when they’re being built?

    Less wonderful was the hour-long bus ride up the mountain from Taichung to Sun Moon Lake. With cramped, uncomfortable seats and a suspension that meant every movement of the wheels was felt in your butt.

    Until this point, we’d not had any trouble with our cellular provider, but the quality got bad on the trip up the mountain.

    Perhaps I should explain. During my last trip to Taiwan, eSIMS weren’t a thing, or at least they hadn’t caught on yet. My previous phone had a physical SIM and space for one eSIM, but I never got to test it. On prior trips, we had to replace our SIMs with physical SIMs from a local provider, and these had gotten increasingly difficult to obtain.

    On the first trip, when we got SIMs, we walked into 7-Eleven and picked up prepaid ones from a shelf. On the second trip, 7-Eleven still had them but wouldn’t sell them to people without a household registration (i.e., foreigners.) We had to go to a cellular phone shop and apply. It got harder for us as foreigners on each trip, although, in theory, foreigners can get SIMs at the airport when they arrive; however, they aren’t open 24 hours, and we never arrive when they’re open.

    With the advent of eSIMs, there are now a plethora of apps in the iOS App Store where you can purchase eSIMs for your trips before leaving home. Listening to some recommendations and going with what seemed like the best deal for our trip, we selected Holafly.

    For this trip, we selected 15 days of unlimited data. The downside, however, is you don’t get a local phone number. Would this be a problem? Chuwan’s family can call her via Line. We can call each other via FaceTime. I can talk with friends at home via iMessage, except for those poor, benighted souls with Android phones, and for them, I can use my Google voice number.

    But what about if someone in Taiwan needs your phone number, or you need to call a business in Taiwan? Would that be a problem? We weren’t sure, but we decided we’d risk it.

    Taiwan has amazing cellular coverage, island-wide, and it wasn’t clear why we kept losing the signal. We’d have 5 bars of 5G in one moment, and 10 seconds later, it would be gone. The mountains are steep, and the road is winding, but there seemed to be no rhyme nor reason to the spotty coverage.

    When we arrived at the small village of Sun Moon Lake, we found the first drawback: We couldn’t call the hotel to ask for a shuttle to pick us up. We could have re-engaged our Verizon coverage and called from our US phone number, but that automatically incurs a $10/day charge, and Chuwan wouldn’t have that.

    Two people walking along a road.

    We walked the 1 km to the hotel, hauling our luggage.

    It’s Day Three, and my back is still killing me. The flight really did a number on me, and walking slowly or standing still is the worst. It doesn’t take long for it to become unbearable. I have meds that can ease the pain, but I don’t like taking them all the time, day in and day out.

    We got to the hotel, and it was time for a nap.

    The hotel we stayed at was the Sun Moon Lake Hotel, and it was fantastic! (Make sure you get a lake view.) Our room was a Japanese-style room with a living/dining area, two large beds, and a giant soaking tub with views out onto the lake. The hotel is right alongside the lakeside bike pathway, and they offer bikes to the guests for free use.

    Japanese-style Hotel Room

    While the freebie bikes were well-used and not in the best of shape, we took a couple of them into the village and grabbed dinner from the 7-Eleven. This time, I tried a three-cheese hot dog, and the addition of the cheese actually helped mask the odd “wrong meat” flavor of the dog. I also grabbed an instant noodle for later on.

    Had a very long, and very welcome to my back, soak in the tub, and turned in for the night, hoping I’d sleep through till morning.

  • Taiwan (2024) – Day Two – The Day We Ate Pizza

    Sunday, October 6, 2024

    You might want to go back and read my Prelude to Day Two to understand my motivations for the day: Avoid spending time with my in-laws.

    I'm writing this snippet on Day Six. I've been writing this account of Day Two since Day Two, and I wouldn't say I like it.  I mean, I actively hate it. It doesn't flow. Nothing happens. It's boring. I feel like I've set it up to be epic, but it wasn't.  I'm sorry. I'm going to finish writing it anyway. You can come back for Day Three if you like, maybe it will be better.

    I cannot speak Chinese, but I understand more than they think I do. Yesterday, I heard them planning to feed me pizza, despite the fact that they don’t like pizza, and it would not be pizza I liked. My wife was urging them not to do it. They weren’t listening.

    This gave me nearly 24 hours to plan an exit strategy.

    Dammit, my in-laws prefer eating Chinese food. My wife has returned to Taiwan so she can eat real Chinese food that she cannot get in Arizona. Don’t fucking plan your meals around me!

    Go eat what you want, be together, do all that talking in Chinese that I cannot understand (or at least participate in) and don’t worry about me. I’m a grown man, I can feed myself, and I can amuse myself without relying on the company of others.

    You’re not offending me. You’re not hurting my feelings. You’re making me feel bad because you aren’t enjoying yourselves.

    And we simply cannot get that through to them.

    But that’s not how Day Two began. It began by waking up at 3:00 AM, starving. I used the opportunity to write up my Day One blog, and then, around 6:00 AM I realized I wasn’t going back to sleep, I decided to have another soaking bath.

    …and I promptly fell asleep in the tub, again. This time for over an hour. At least it was finally time to go out and get some breakfast. There’s a 24-hour Yoshinoya in the area, I could get a gyudon bowl. There’s plenty of green onion pancake vendors. There’s a place nearby that makes a mean plate of spaghetti for breakfast. There’s omurice. There are loads of neat things to eat in the area.

    Oh no. We couldn’t have that. Our room comes with free breakfast buffet, and that’s what my wife insisted on having. We’re not wasting that money!

    The buffet was some very unappetizing looking buns, oddly pale fruits, gruel, and various forms of pork lint. My wife saw what was on offer and looked at me, “There’s a 7-Eleven nearby. We can go there afterward.”

    …and so I had toast at the buffet before heading to FamilyMart for food. (Turn left out the door of the hotel, you hit 7-Eleven, turn right, you hit FamilyMart.)

    Breakfast at FamilyMart was a hot dog. I’m guessing it was pig. I certainly wasn’t cow, chicken, or that unique, delectable blend of mystery meat so common in low-end dogs.

    On my first trip to Taiwan in ’98, I got very ill, and I still needed to build up a repertoire of Taiwanese food I could eat. Recovering, I was still feeling like crap, and we were out somewhere a little less urban, and I was starving, and we came across a 7-Eleven, and they had a hot dog. It was like a light from heaven shining down on me as I bought that dog and hastily devoured what, to this day, I’ll still describe as the worst hot dog I’ve ever eaten. I have not had a convenience store hot dog in Taiwan since then, until today.

    This was still weird but wasn’t inedible, and it came with what seemed like a damned clever half-mustard, half-ketchup packet for the dog. Now, to be clear, ketchup doesn’t belong on a hot dog, and that’s a hill I’ll die on, but I can acknowledge ingenuity when I see it.

    A combined packet of ketchup and mustard

    That is until I realized that the packet is designed to open both halves and dispense both together, either depriving the dog of the essential mustard or ruining it with ketchup. It was a tough choice. I tried circumventing the pouch and ended up with mustard on the hot dog and ketchup on my hands.

    While eating breakfast, Melz and I conspired to avoid being at the in-laws’ house all day.

    Taipei has a couple of underground shopping malls, and just before leaving, I saw that a new one had recently opened at the newly completed Taipei Dome. We headed there but were very disappointed. It was very empty, and most of the shops and restaurants were closed.

    We decided to go to one of the older ones near Zhongxiao Fuxing station. We spent some time there and didn’t find anything interesting, and still, several shops were closed. Yes, it was Sunday but I’ve never noticed that being an issue before.

    We decided to go into Sogo (a Department store located at the same station), and even that was weird. Security guards were everywhere, and the store escalators were cordoned off, save for the underground food court. At one point, a security guard followed us to help us leave.

    We took the hint and decided to go elsewhere.

    Melz wanted to buy a belt but didn’t want to buy it at the big department stores because they tend to be expensive. We decided to try Uniqlo, which was pretty close, but that’s when we realized they opened at 11:00 AM, and it was only 10:55 AM.

    Could it be that the other places didn’t open till 11:00 AM, too?

    The nearest Uniqlo was in the Breeze Center, and we struck out looking for a belt – at least a belt that fits. We did find some gifts for folks back home, so the trip wasn’t wasted, and it was now lunchtime, and also my back was killing me. It hadn’t recovered from the flight, yet. I needed to sit down for a while.

    Knowing that we were avoiding being at the house so that the in-laws wouldn’t order pizza, I decided we were going to go have pizza, but, and this was the important part, we could never tell them where we went!

    We went to Pizza Rock, a small Taiwan-based chain set up by a foreigner. I heard about it just before we left Taiwan on the last trip but never got to try it.

    Let’s start by saying I’m incredibly proud of my kid. Not long ago, Melz wouldn’t special order food in a restaurant that wasn’t explicitly printed on the menu, yet here they were, ordering pizza in Mandarin. I was really moved at how far they’ve come.

    Bonus: Pizza Rock sells Dr Pepper, which is damned rare in Taiwan, and an extra treat for Melz and me.

    The damage done to my back by the plane flight continued to bother me, and walking the streets wrecked me for the rest of the day. I returned to the hotel for a long nap.

    Later that night Chuwan and I met up with Melz again, originally to go for a curry katsu, but somehow ended up having Bafang dumplings. 25 potstickers and a bowl of soup all for under $US 7. Taiwan can be very economical.

    Train trip tomorrow.

  • Taiwan (2024) A Tale of Six Hamburgers (Prelude to Day Two)

    Before I tell you the tale of Day Two, let me recount something that happened 22+ plus years ago. This will inform you about my frame of reference when eating with my in-laws.

    We arrived in Taiwan, battered and bedraggled after the flight, as usual. On the first day, it’s obligatory that we eat together as a family. Back then, there were six of us, including my brother-in-law, Johnny, and his then-girlfriend.

    Unilaterally, they had decided that I’d appreciate hamburgers since I was an American. It didn’t matter that none of them liked hamburgers. We were having hamburgers for my benefit. (For the record, I love a good bacon cheeseburger, so this isn’t immediately problematic.)

    Johnny had identified a new hamburger place that served real, American-style hamburgers.

    When we arrived, my wife was told that when Johnny and his girlfriend arrived, we’d have hamburgers, and she was told a little bit about this great new place that served real, American-style hamburgers.

    My wife relayed this information to me and, I thought, “That sounds damned nice of them. We go to a hamburger place, and I can pick out a burger and, even if it isn’t really a ‘real, American-style hamburger’ I’ll get by and probably even enjoy it.”

    Before I finish this story, let me say that this story turns out well. I had a great bacon cheeseburger, which really was American-style. But it very nearly was a burger disaster.

    We did not go out to eat burgers. When Johnny arrived, he brought the burgers. There were six of us, so he ordered six hamburgers off their menu more or less at random.

    The burgers, still in their packaging, were placed on the table and everyone — remember that burgers really weren’t their thing – just grabbed one from the pile at random.

    At first, I reeled in shock that “random burger” was the modus operandi of the day, then I reeled in horror at some of the abominations that were included in the stack. I cannot even remember what some of them were, they were too horrific to commit to long-term memory. I’d probably have PTSD to this day if I had.

    I got lucky. Not only was one of the burgers (towards the bottom) a bacon cheeseburger, but I was able to grab it and not appear like I was desperately trying to grab the only “burger” there that I’d eat.

    I’m picky, I know it, I’ve made peace with it.

    I hate the fact that they try so hard to be nice and accommodate me, and I’m a picky-assed eater, who has a very limited capacity to “choke it down.” That’s on me.

    Yet at the same time, they’d never think to actually ask me what I’d like. They feel obligated to anticipate and present me with something I’ll love.

    We’ve had over 25 years of this dance, and I’ve developed coping mechanisms to avoid the problems when possible, and my wife helps facilitate them, because we’re a team.

    Whether you look at this scenario and think, “oh god, that’s a crime against humanity,” “that seems completely normal to me,” or perhaps you take some position in between, this is nonetheless what I have to navigate as best I can while trying to save face all around.

    Now we can discuss Day Two.

  • Taiwan (2024) – Day One – The Day We Fought Jet Lag (and Ate.)

    Saturday, October 5, 2024

    Stay positive.

    Don’t talk about food.

    Stay positive.

    Don’t talk about food.

    Fuck it. The food on the flight was terrible, and our first order of business was eating.

    We got to my in-laws’ at around 5:00 AM, and they were up and waiting for us. (My eldest child couldn’t be bothered to wake up for our arrival.)

    After killing a bit of time, Chuwan and I went walking, where I managed to find some early-morning green onion pancakes and garlic bread.

    Side Note: I fucking love the fact that bakeries in Taiwan sell different types of bread rather than exclusively selling pastries and cakes like back in Phoenix. I hate cake bakeries. I love bread bakeries.

    More from the “a certain amount of negativity is inevitable” department: That miserable seat on the plane for 12 hours has fucked up my lower back. My maximum walking distance was minimal today.

    After a couple of kilometers, I was done for. If I can’t get past this quickly, it will be a problem. Here, you walk.

    While Chuwan and her parents chatted, I slept for three hours on their sofa. That saved me from listening to but not participating in their discussions, which I cannot understand.

    True story: When I can understand what they’re talking about, they’re talking about eating.

    My eldest was finally awake, and the three of us went out, on foot, to — you guessed it — eat. It was my kid’s idea, not mine, but we went to a Taiwanese steakhouse. They’re cheap, they come with an egg, noodles, and all-you-can eat soup, ice cream and soda.

    The presentation is always fun, too, as the food comes out sizzling on the plate.

    Look out! Hot plate.

    Just walking to the steakhouse, I could tell my back hadn’t recovered yet, and it was still too early to check into the hotel. Returning to the in-laws, I spent time “fixing” my time.

    You lose a day traveling from the USA to Taiwan, and while it’s just an arbitrary thing to a human, your tech doesn’t think so. One year, I lost a really long Apple Watch daily exercise streak when I jumped the International Dateline. I had time to complete the daily workout in my 24-hour day, even with the long flight, but when my phone and watch updated automatically to the new day, poof, my 400+ day streak was ended.

    I’m still bitter.

    So now, I make sure one of my devices is set not to update the date and time automatically, so I’ve got something to work with until I straighten it all out. I had no activity challenge going on this time. However, I still needed to complete my NYT Crossword and Duolingo exercises before I lept my iPad into the future like all my other devices.

    We checked into our hotel room, which is within walking distance from my in-laws’ and after getting settled in… my wife and child decided to go to the Raohe night market to… you guessed it: eat.

    I was game. My back was not. I bailed out at a nearby MOS Burger for dinner, and they continued without me.

    That three-hour nap earlier in the day, and shower immediately afterwards, really seemed to help with the jet lag, if not with my back, but by the time I was back to the hotel, it was still early evening and I could feel the inevitable call of the circadian rhythm fighting back.

    I decided if one shower earlier in the day helped, maybe another would help now. Then I realized the hotel had a tub, and I could soak my aching back.

    Do you see where this is going? I fell asleep in the bath. I don’t know for how long. Luckily, I’m just too big to slide under the water and drown.

    I didn’t actually spend the night in the tub and even managed to stay awake until about 9:00 PM before, inevitably, succumbing to sleep.

    As I went to bed, I hoped I’d sleep till 6:00 AM.

  • Taiwan (2024) – Day Zero

    Thursday & Friday, October 3 & 4, 2024

    In the past month or so, in the run-up to this trip, I’ve been watching tourists in Taiwan on YouTube. What I saw depressed me.

    I am not a “newbie” to Taiwan. I first visited in 1998. In chunks, I’ve spent the better part of a year here. In all that time, I’ve rarely been based in hotels but have lived with my in-laws, meaning that, rather than getting strictly the hotel-based view of Taiwan, I’ve seen how people actually live.

    My in-laws aren’t necessarily typical. Both are in their 80s. As a small child, one fled to Taiwan from China along with Chiang Kai-Shek’s forces as they retreated from China. The other was born in central Taiwan to “native” parents. (Native, in this case, refers to coming from an earlier wave of immigrants to the island, not the indigenous peoples.)

    Both were raised very, very Catholic.

    They are as authentically Taiwanese as it gets, yet I’m aware that their Catholicism wiped away many of the traditions I might have experienced in other Taiwanese homes. (Let’s call that a byproduct of Christian imperialism; stick a pin in it, and move on.)

    I mention all this to temper my claims that I’ve lived in a “typical” Taiwanese household if such a thing exists, but I have experienced day-to-day life here. Watching tourists misinterpret what they see can be painful.

    But, honestly, I’m a tourist, too. My hubris hasn’t extended so far that I don’t realize that.

    I’ve committed the same mistakes they’ve done, and I’m certain to do them again. Probably even today.

    I’m sorry in advance. My experiences are my own, and I cannot disassociate them from my frame of reference.

    That said, for this trip, I’ve set some “goals” which I shall try to strive for.

    • Try to post (at least) one “interesting” picture, daily. By this, I’ll try to compose and take one image that I find visually interesting, not necessarily part of the narrative, just that I’m trying to keep my eye open for something… interesting.
    • Write at least one blog entry per day. I got a hair up my butt the other day and decided that I was bringing a paper journal just like I did on my first trips to Taiwan and I was going to write in it; however, while I did bring the journal, I can see that the “ease” of jotting stuff down electronically on my phone as the moment hits me is going to preclude most use of the paper journal. This depresses me, but which is more important, logging my thoughts, or recording my chicken scratches?
    • Shoot a vlog entry at least every three days. I haven’t done that in a while; those will be on the Tedium Unlimited YouTube channel.
    • Stay positive. My personality is absolutely rooted in the need to point out the negative, usually because I find it absurd (or annoying). I will not succeed at this, but I’ll try to keep this in mind. I genuinely love Taiwan, but I can pick out the faults in anything. (Anything except my wife, she’s perfect.)
    • Try to avoid talking about the food. Everybody talks about the food in Taiwan. Everybody. Always. All the time. There’s a reason for that — food seems to dominate the Taiwanese identity, and there is a staggering amount of food here. Everyone seems to base their activities around food, and eating is what you do here. It doesn’t matter how remote or incredibly beautiful any part of Taiwan is; there will be food, and it will be a big deal. They love regionalizing and discussing the local “famous” crop or dish. (And they will line up or go a long way for it.) Before they opened the tunnel between Taipei and Ilan, I’ve been on a the multi-hour drive just to buy Ilan’s “famous” green onions to take back home to Taipei.

      WTF, but true.

      I can tell you this goal will fail, too. We all eat, and eating is what you do here. I will try to be mindful, though, or try not to follow the most obvious paths. (No Stinky Tofu ever!)
    • I will not pronounce Kaohsiung as “Cow-Shung.” That’s a rookie mistake I won’t make. Taiwan still, in places, uses the worst Romanization system, Wade-Giles, to convert Hanzi into the Roman alphabet. The first character in Kaohsiung (?) is the best example I can think of. Spelled “kaoh” in Wade-Giles, in Pinyin (the newer Romanization system from across the great divide that is the Taiwan Strait,) it’s spelled “Gao,” and I can tell you to Western ears, it’s pronounced much closer to a “G” than a “K.”

      The point of a Romanization system is to make it possible for foreigners to interpret words they see phonetically, and there may not be a clear winner, but there is a clear loser: Wade-Giles.

      Fun fact: For my Chinese name, with use ? (meaning “tall”) for my family name.

    So, with that lengthy prelude out of the way, let’s begin with the flight, of Day Zero as I usually call it. (You lose a day from the USA to Taiwan on the flight.)

    Trying to stay positive. We arrived ahead of schedule.

    I can’t say anything else positive about it. Nada. Zip. Zilch. After our return flight in two weeks, we will never fly United Airlines internationally again.

    And, for wife’s friend who recommended United as her favorite airline to fly, we’re going to recommend either an intervention or counseling.

    We arrived around 4:00 AM and were shuttled by a professional driver in an excellent Mercedes, hired by my brother-in-law, to my in-laws’ home., since it was still 11 hours too early to check into our hotel

    Being driven to Taipei

    Oh, did I forget to mention it? On this trip, we will be staying in hotels and Airbnb. This is because my eldest is living with the in-laws while studying at NTNU, and there is no room for us.

  • Things I Love About Taiwan

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    The list that follows is based strictly on my experiences in Taiwan, and while the list might seem facetious, it really isn’t. Taiwan is a bit like a crazy old uncle. He just doesn’t seem right in the head, but at the same time he’s a cool old dude.

    (more…)

  • Taiwan 2010 – Torn Between a Steak and a Vomitorium

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    “At no point in this story is actual vomit involved.”

    Honestly, I am seriously torn about how to “pitch” this particular blog post. It all relates to a single story and it has two different facets, it has the comedy vomit angle and it has the high praise for excellent food angle. You’d think they’d be utterly incompatible and yet they are one and the same story. Should I write the article and tell how amazingly wonderful the No. 168 Prime Steakhouse in Taipei is or go with with the “gosh, they sure are different in Taiwan” angle and get the cheap laughs? I am torn.

    I’ve decided I’ll just tell the story as it happened.

    Longtime readers of my blog will know that I have a very short links list. I read from over 150 blogs and newsfeeds daily, but there are only a few that, for some reason or another, I choose to promote. (Whether or not that promotion is appreciated is another question.)

    One of them is A Hungry Girl’s Guide to Taipei. This is a blog that reviews restaurants in Taipei. It’s in English. I speak English. It’s about eating. I eat. it’s about Taipei. I go to Taipei. It’s uncanny. It’s as if it was written just for me.

    I corresponded with her a little bit on Twitter and she recommended No. 168 Prime Steakhouse, saying that their “steaks were wonderful”, which is all I need to hear about any restaurant. I admit, I didn’t even go see if she had a review, I just passed the info along to my wife saying, “If your parents are looking for restaurants to take me to, I hear No. 168 Prime Steakhouse is ‘wonderful’”

    And so it was on my final night in Taipei, they took the entire family to No. 168 Prime Steakhouse, which, it turns out is in the five-star Grand Victoria Hotel. (To be honest, I couldn’t find any documentation that said it was actually a five-star hotel, but if it isn’t, they’re trying really hard.)

    I packed very light for this trip, getting my entire kit inside a piece of luggage could, if lucky, be considered carry-on. I had 4 pair of shorts, 4 t-shirts, one pair of pants, one polo shirt, 2 pair of sandals and 1 pair of tennis shoes. I got all dressed up in the tennis shoes, pants and polo shirt, thinking the place was probably a little more upscale than sandals, shorts and a Loch Ness Monster Adventure Club shirt, which was my typical daily wear. I was; however, still seriously underdressed for the No. 168 Prime. Luckily we had a private room, where they waited on us hand and foot and constantly served us expensive bottled water. Their prices were… high, and I was a little embarrassed to have suggested this restaurant because I knew my father-in-law was paying.

    But, he had checked the place out first, so he knew what he was getting into. I only found out when I saw the menu and started doing exchange rate calculations in my head and going, “That can’t be right. US$ 90 for a steak?”

    My father-in-law had already decided on their monthly special, which this month was a 45oz American Kobe Beef Ribeye (serves 4-5 people). This was their special for the month and it was, by their own statement, “The best piece of meat we have in the restaurant.” It cost US$ 150.

    My mother-in-law doesn’t eat much meat, and my father-in-law can be a fairly moderate eater (except at all-you-can-eat places), so when he suggested that we get the special, I figured that would work out just about right for the four of us. The kids could order a dish and share and my bother-in-law and his girlfriend could get whatever they wanted.

    Wrong, my father-in-law ordered the steak with the intention that all eight of us would share it, and then if somehow we we still hungry after each consuming 5.6oz of steak, we could order something else.

    I can tell you, unreservedly, it was the best chunk of steak I’ve ever had in my life. It was sublime. I managed to get three strips of it, as did Michelle. Neither one of us got enough, and I can hardly see how there was enough to even get a start for the others.

    When it was clear it wasn’t enough, they suggested I pick something else to order, like a New York steak. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. How do you follow up the best steak you’ve ever had? You don’t, and you certainly don’t follow it with a “lesser” piece of steak. (Typically, I’d never call a New York Strip a “lesser” piece of steak than a ribeye, but in this case, it had to be.)

    So I am left with the all-too-brief memory of this wonderful steak, which has set the bar very high indeed for future steaks.

    I should also mention that their bread, made on the premises by some sort of low-termperature, 16-hour baking process, their Caesar salad and french onion were all also very good.

    I will heartily shout the praises for No. 168 Prime Steakhouse. Exquisite!

    (Oh, and the hotel had free wifi, so I was able to hook up on the iPhone while at dinner. Another plus.)

    Hardly seems appropriate to drift onto the topic of vomit at this point, does it? Let me be very, very clear on this point: At no point in this story is actual vomit involved. There is nothing whatsoever in my opinion that should be associated with vomit and this wonderful steakhouse, or indeed what appears to be an excellent hotel, but they did bring it upon themselves.

    IMG_0003

    This is all because of a button; a wonderfully mysterious, enigmatic, lovely, classically red button.

    If it isn’t painfully obvious, let me reiterate that I don’t speak much Chinese – certainly not enough to carry on a conversation, although I can sometimes pick up the gist of a conversation. I read even less Chinese, but I do know a few hundred characters (sometimes I know them from my study of Japanese, other times from my study of Chinese.) One of the patterns I can recognize is Chinese for “please don’t.” This is important to my story and not just me rambling, so keep that in the back of your mind: I am functionally illiterate in Chinese, but not completely illiterate. A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.

    James, at 5 years old, as taken up what appears to be an obsession with squat toilets. Whenever he knows there a squat toilet, he wants to go pee in it. (What could be more fun that peeing in a hole in the ground to a five-year old?) Shortly after our arrival at No. 168, James had to go to the bathroom, and someone else took him.

    It wasn’t long afterwards that he went again, and again, someone else took him. At this point, I began to suspect that the restroom had a squat toilet and that he was a little bored with the dinner proceedings.

    On his third request to go, I took him because I also needed to use the facilities and I was curious if my hypothesis was correct. It turned out that I was only partially correct, because what appeared to be fascinating James was the sink.

    As you walk into this immaculately clean restroom, there are sinks on the left, ahead and turning a corner is a wall of urinals and behind them are the stalls. In the corner, next to the last urinal is a large sink. it’s not uncommon for restrooms in Taiwan to have a large laundry sink in them, usually with a mop nearby, and ofttimes with a cleaning lady standing there waiting for you to belly up to the urinal so that she can mop around your feet while you’re urinating. (That takes some getting used to.)

    IMG_0004

    In this case, the “laundry” sink was spotlessly clean, oval shaped and all gleaming stainless steel, artistically lighted from above. It also had a curious grating at the bottom, which was elevated about one inch above the actual bottom of the basin. If it was a laundry sink (and I had no reason to doubt that it was) it was the most expensive, pretentious laundry sink I’ve ever seen.

    It also had, immediately above it, the button. The pretty red button. And the button had a sign, and the sign said, “[gibberish, gibberish]! Please don’t [gibberish] hand.”

    Oh, temptation, thy name is “pretty red button that says, ‘please don’t’” on thee!

    James, upon finishing up in the stall, went to the “laundry” sink and was about to wash his hands. I stopped him, and explained that this sink was not for washing hands, and that he should go use the regular sinks which had soap and towels available. He seemed remarkably disappointed and I noticed that, while clean, the sink wasn’t dry.

    Back at the table, I asked Irene if they had a similar sink in the ladies’ room. She said they did not, so I was no closer to knowing that the pretty red button said.

    Throughout the evening, James continued to ask to go back to the bathroom, and every time I’d say to him, “Don’t use that sink” and his face would get all crestfallen.

    Finally, I could stand it no more and I went back and took a picture of the sink and the sign and brought it back so that Chu-Wan could tell me what it said. At first she had the most odd look on her face end then she translated it for me.

    It says, “This is the sink for vomiting, please do not wash hands here.”

    The answer, rather than being satisfying, raised more questions than it answered. Not only does the sign on the button completely fail to tell you what the pretty red button is for, but now I wonder what a classy restaurant needs a vomit sink for??? (Apart from the obvious.)

    I can only imagine that, because it is a classy, expensive restaurant, businessmen bring clients here to wine and dine them; mostly wine them, and in the Japanese tradition, get so drunk that they vomit and then sleep on the street because it’s too late to catch the train home.

    Anyone who eats at this restaurant and has one of these wonderful steak and then vomits it up is committing a crime the culinary world, if not against humanity itself!!!

    What does that damn button do?! Does it operate a garbage disposal and grind up the debris or is it a call switch so that someone from housekeeping can quickly come make the restroom clean and pleasant for the other customers? Why is there a grate at the bottom? Wouldn’t that prevent larger chunks of matter from getting into the drain? Is it to stop the neckties of drunken vomiters from getting stuck in the running disposal unit? Is it some sort of high-tech vomitus splash guard?

    Why must my memory of this wonderful restaurant be eternally linked to questions about vomit?

    IMG_0762

    Bottom line – This is what you should take from this blog post: No. 168 Prime Steakhouse = excellent steak.

    (But if you do happen to go there, and you visit the men’s room, don’t wash your hands in that sink, but if you do happen (perhaps by mistake) to push that pretty, red button; that incredibly tempting, wonderfully round and inviting, pretty, red button… post me a comment and tell me what it does.)

  • Taiwan 2010 – Not My Most Successful Scheme By a Long Shot

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    LA sucks.

    Jet lag sucks.

    Put together they are a massive, steaming pile of suckage.

    Make a plan that glosses over those two points and you have a recipe for failure.

    The ways in which LA sucks are many and varied, so let me come to them as flows within the narrative. For starters, LAX, the main international airport on the west coast is the worst airport I’ve ever been in. The sum total of things to do at that airport is (a) eat at bad restaurants (b) walk up and down around the outer perimeter of the of the terminals. (At least the weather is usually nice.)

    In this post-9/11 world, where you potentially need hours to clear security before your flight, airlines don’t seem to be willing to schedule connecting flights within sane times of each other. The global economic recession hasn’t help either. Airline flights have been significantly curtailed and your choice of times and airlines has been drastically reduced. We used to try to schedule our flights through San Francisco because it shorten the flight across the ocean (by increasing the length of the domestic flight) and because the airport doesn’t suck as much as LA’s, but those flights are all gone now. You used to be able to schedule a transfer within about two hours of your international departure, now, with the comparative paucity of domestic flights and the potential of long, long security waits, you must wait much longer. (In all fairness to LAX, I’ve never spent more than 10 minutes getting through security, but it isn’t about how efficient they are most of the time, it’s all about the possibility that they might not be. Missing an international flight has a lot of negative ramifications on everyone, and the airlines and the travel agents aren’t willing to take risks. Better that you should suffer with long layovers.) On this trip, our delays were over 6 hours each. 6 hours at LAX is unfavorably comparable to 6 hours reading the white pages of the telephone book on an uncomfortable (broken) bench, while eating flavorless, dry rice cakes without benefit of anything to drink – alcoholic or otherwise.

    I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to do with the family on the way out. 6 hours ought to be enough time to get out and do something, but instead we just ended up riding the train and eating. At least the food didn’t suck.

    My flight back, alone, was worse. Not only did I have a 6+ hour layover, but I couldn’t even get a direct flight back to Phoenix. It would take 11 and a half hours for me to get back to Phoenix. It only takes six hours to drive to Phoenix from LA.

    And thus begat my plan. To abandon my connecting flight back to Phoenix and simply rent a car one way from LA to Phoenix. I asked myself, “Would six hours in a car, after an 11 hour flight, be safe and possible?” Yes, I decided. First I considered the torture of another 6 hours in a seat: No problem, with a car you can stop and most any time and get out and walk around and stretch. Would jet lag prevent me from driving safely: No. My flight light Taipei at 4:50 in the afternoon and arrived the same day at 1:25 in the after in LA. (Yes, you travel backwards in time going from Taipei to LA) I figured that I’d be on the plane for a couple hours, they’d feed us and I’d go to sleep. It would be a little early going to bed, but I’d been napping in the afternoon lately, anyway. 1:25PM LA time is 4:25AM Taipei time. Again, a little early, but I typically wake up around 5:30, so I should, in theory, be rested and ready for the new day.

    I optimistically booked a car for 2:00PM in LA and headed out on my flight, thinking, “This may be the model for all future flights to Taipei for me.”

    So what went wrong? Most everything.

    • I didn’t sleep on the flight. I got no more than three hours sleep in three, one-hour blocks.
    • The plane travelled a long route. Typically the flight to Taiwan is up towards the pole and then across at the Aleutian Islands, then down the coast of Siberia, Korea, Japan and then to Taiwan. On the way back, they simply power straight across the ocean. (This has to do with utilizing the earth’s rotation under the plane and competing against or utilizing the jet stream. This is why the flight over is 14.5 hours, and the flight back is only 11.5 hours.) For some reason, this flight pushed us up north, crossing about parallel with Oregon and then down, overland, along the coast of California. We came in almost 30 minutes late.
    • I got through customs in record time, and I foolishly thought that might mean I’d make up some of the lost time towards picking up my car. Wrong – I got through immigration quickly, but my luggage was absolutely the last two bags to come off the plane. By the time I’d retrieved it, the line for customs was a two-hundred strong. (It moved efficiently and quickly but it was still a lot of people.)
    • The rental car place isn’t really even close to the airport. It’s a 10-15 minute drive by shuttle bus – once you’ve caught the bus. I arrived at Alamo at just 15 minutes before 3:00PM.
    • It was 45 minutes to get to me because, despite there being 40 people in line, they only ever had 3 of their 8 representative desks operating at any time, and often, the reps stopped helping customers and stood around and organized their paperwork in full sight of the fuming customers. Once to a representative, my rental took all of 5 minutes to get out the door, and I discovered, to my joy that Shakey’s Pizza (a childhood favorite but now long defunct in Arizona) was 2 blocks away. I was there by 4:00PM.
    • They were the slowest pizza place I’ve been in in years. They did have a children’s birthday party of about 40 kids, which was keeping them busy. It was over an hour to get out the door.
    • It was 5:00PM before I got traveling towards home. Given that it takes 6 hours to get to home, that now put my estimated arrival about 11:00 PM. If I had stayed on the flight, I’d be at Phoenix Sky Harbor airport at 11:30PM. I was still ahead of the plane flight, but now only by an hour to an hour and a half.

    Let me talk about another reason why LA sucks for a moment. LA and Phoenix have something in common. They bother are relatively modern cities, and their population explosions occurred since the invention of the automobile. While Los Angeles truly is the archetype of “urban sprawl”, Phoenix is right up there with it, for exactly the same reasons. Phoenix is a vast urban area. Los Angeles is quite a lot bigger still. For the record, let me say that LA is a major international city and Phoenix is a podunk. I would not deign to put these two cities in the same category. LA is in a class with New York, London, Taipei, Shanghai, etc. Phoenix is in a class with Albuquerque.

    Nonetheless, the geographic and demographic forces which shaped LA also shaped Phoenix. The major differences are these: LA has lots of things to see and do, but they’re so damned spread out that it’s a nightmare to get to them. Phoenix, on the other hand, is essentially just as spread out but because there’s nothing to do here, the issue of getting from point A to point B isn’t as acute. Also, Phoenix is a newer city and, although our freeway system is a lot smaller than the LA freeway system, our fair city (as well as many others around the US and the world) have benefited greatly because our freeway engineers grew up and were trained with the knowledge of all the freakin’ stupid, idiotic mistakes made when California built their freeway system.

    LA’s freeways are extensive, but grew organically. There is no logical pattern to them, they do not use consistent means for onramps, off-ramps, freeway junctions, signage or anything else. It’s a bit like hot and cold taps in Taiwan: You never know which one will be hot and which one will be cold, until you test it by turning it on.

    But I was armed with an auto-GPS navigation system, and, for the most part, it kept me well-informed enough to navigate the freeways across the maddening urban sprawl that is LA. Let’s go back to the list.

    • It’s 6 hours from LA to Phoenix. Unless the freeways were moving at 10-20MPH, in which it’s two days travel.
    • Funny thing about being jet lagged and not getting enough sleep, staring at the rear end of the car ahead of you in a traffic jam for nearly two hours can make you incredibly, dangerously tired.
    • When I reached Riverside (which means, basically, I was still in the LA sprawl) I saw a Motel 6 and gave up, pulled in, checked in and within 30 minutes was sound asleep, expecting to have a hard time waking up in the morning and getting going.
    • At 1:30AM I snapped wide awake. Why 1:30? Jet lag sucks, and it rarely makes much sense. 1:30AM, is 4:30PM in Taipei. Why my body spontaneously awoke – and it is like a light switching on – I was completely awake without any of the usual drowsy dragging that normally accompanies my transition from sleep to wakefulness. It was quite clear that the people in the next room hadn’t even gone to be yet.
    • I showered, ambled across the street for a big bacony, eggy breakfast at Denny’s, checked out and was on my way by 3:00AM.

    After that it was just a five and a half hour drive, with stops, getting me home at about 8:30AM, just a scant 19 hours after I arrived in LA.

    Perhaps next time I go to Taiwan, they’ll have installed a high speed railway between LA and Phoenix. Perhaps I’ll wait until they do.

  • Taiwan 2010 – There are Stories Left to Tell

    There are stories left to tell, like about the vomitorium in the classy restaurant inside the five-star hotel, but they shall have to wait until my return, for in about 30 minutes I’ll be heading out towards the airport to catch in flight 3 hours from then. The family will be staying behind for another 3 weeks and i already (accidentally) reduced James to tears when I told him I’d miss him. I have a feeling this isn’t going to be a pretty farewell at the airport.IMG_0001

    Because the flight is in the mid-afternoon, there’s not much really to do today except pack and eat lunch. I convinced them to take Michelle (and therefore me) to Din Tai Fung for lunch. We got there early and between the 7 of us, we ate a full 7 steamers (70 dumplings). Put in perspective, my 18 isn’t that much, but it was a record for me, and this time Michelle was’t even in the running. Last time she polished off 14, this time only 10. James managed 9 this time and he was desperately trying to keep up (and surpass) his big sister.

    When we left, the crowd was standing at about 250 people waiting to get in for lunch. Din Tai Fung is never hurting for business – nor should they be.

    I didn’t mention much about our flight over on China Air. Frankly, we didn’t want to fly them, but flights were so tight and prices so high we didn’t have a choice. Singapore Air cut back on flights and no longer flies direct to Taipei from LA, which left out our favorite airline. Eva Air, a Taiwanese carrier, couldn’t get us flights on even close to the dates we wanted and were hundreds more per ticket (on days we didn’t want.) I had no major complaints about China Air (Which is, by the way, the national carrier of Taiwan, not China) except that their food isn’t as good or as plentiful, the stewardesses aren’t as good at English, and they’re really skimpy on water and drinks.

    We had a 6 hour nightmare of a wait at LAX last time, this time the wait is longer and the flight back to Phoenix isn’t even direct. It would be another 11 hours back to Phoenix! Insanity! I’ve rented a car and will be driving back it will take 6 hours or so, but I can stop, stretch my legs and have pizza and Dr. Pepper.

    I’ll see you on the other side of the world!