I’m quite looking forward to our rapidly approaching trip to Taiwan to visit my wife’s parents, but there’s just one area that really bothers me… but things are looking up this time.
That area? The Toilet Paper dilemma.
The details may not be for everyone. Only read on if you dare…
You see, toilet paper is different in Taiwan. It comes in small squares, approximately 6“ square and thoroughly as soft and absorbent as a single ply piece of paper towel. It’s stored in small, covered plastic boxes mounted to the wall.
There’s another thing peculiar about Taiwan… toilets, and their associated sewer systems, are not adequate to the task of flushing toilet paper down. There’s a conveniently placed, covered plastic trash can for the disposal of the used squares.
Perhaps it’s some variance of Taiwanese vs American digestive systems, but there is no covered plastic trash can in the world that can adequately contain the unique aroma of used toilet paper, consequently, I’m going to admit something here that I’ve generally not mentioned in my blogs or travelogues in the past: I flush the toilet paper at my in-laws’ house.
I do it for the sanitation (and sanity) of everyone.
When feasible, I use the toilets at the subway station, but it isn’t always practical to walk 1.3 kilometers for a bowel movement, particularly when the subways are not open past midnight.
I’ve always justified this horrid abuse (or at least social faux paus) on the grounds that I only visit for a few weeks every couple of years and many facets of Taiwanese life are ruled by falsehoods, so the concept that toilet paper can’t be flushed is probably a myth. For example, everyone will tell you the tap water is unsafe to drink and needs to be boiled. Apparently, this hasn’t been true for years. The city tap water is processed and checked and verified to be safe regularly, they just can’t convince anyone that it’s true. They even have digital water safety displays over (unused) drinking fountains at some of the subways, giving a real-time readout of the water quality. I’ve been quite sure that they must have fixed the sewer systems years ago.
There’s been one nagging problem, though. When I first visited, back in 1998, they had three working toilets in their home. As time has gone by, the toilets have, one by one, stopped working. (Honest, it’s not because of me.) On my last visit, they only had one left.
Now, I’m informed that none of them work properly. The one that sort of works, the one I always use, tends to regurgitate material that should have passed beyond the realm of men. It’s unclear if it is â€home grown“ material or sewage coming from the other tenants in the building. I have no desire to find out.
It appears to be a problem caused by construction done by the city and they’ve (at least in theory) agreed to fix it, if only they could find the sewer lines! (I’m not making this up! The city can’t find the sewer lines!) My in-laws have had to contract someone to find the sewer lines, so they can tell the city workers where to dig so they can fix the toilets.
This does not bode well for the toilets to be working properly by June 5th.
I only have two consolations:
- They’ve opened a nearby MOS Burger and they generally have clean and pleasant restrooms, but I suspect the towering white guy arriving every morning with a copy of the Skeptical Inquirer under my arm for a trip to the toilet might be a bit too conspicuous.
- My in-laws have purchased a Japanese-style electronic toilet seat, complete with jet-spray bum cleaner (which does drastically reduce toilet paper usage – I know, we have two in our home)
I’m going to come prepared, but I don’t think even a well-stocked bottle of Loperamide Hydrochloride is going to be enough to save me!